Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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