Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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