she sounds like chewbacca in bed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
