he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
