Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
