Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
