I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
