the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
