I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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