I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need to calm my uterus...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
