Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
