There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
