I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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