you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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