Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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