No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
