Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
