Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
