So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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