break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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