Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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