I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
