HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
