I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
