It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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