I'm jealous of your bromance
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
