party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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