Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't deserve a penis
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
