The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your penis caused this!
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