Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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