Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
