he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
