I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
