You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
