You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
