I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
