theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
