too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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