okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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