Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
