due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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