Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Be still, my beating vagina.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
