can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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