and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
