Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
