i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
