the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
