when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
