The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
