Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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