i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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