By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
